I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
