dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
