Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
