There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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