my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
