I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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