walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
