Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
