does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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