drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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