I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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