Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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