I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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