I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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