dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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