sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
false alarm, still single
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
