I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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