i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
