sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
