There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
we should paint friendship bongs
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