Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
