I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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