you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
