Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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