Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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