Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
