Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
