There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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