I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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