you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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