Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
