smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Randomize
