I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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