Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
