my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
