so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
