if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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