I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
