it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
