i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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