Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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