She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
