I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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