508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
