Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
