In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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