porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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