u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
