my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
