I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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