She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
