If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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