so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
