I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
