A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
