My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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