So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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