don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize