textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I want is dick and wine.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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