I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
