I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize