So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
