mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
