Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
