from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize