Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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