You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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