he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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