ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
