Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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