she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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