I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
