That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
