My balls are so social today.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
