We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
