I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
