Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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