I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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