You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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