Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
