Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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