I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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