Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
