Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
