He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
