im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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