Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
