dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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