I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
