Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
