I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
