Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize