If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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