Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
