My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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