When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
