I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
