Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
