Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize