I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
