Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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