She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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