If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize