Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
