you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He felt like a one man threesome
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
