so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
