Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
