please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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