just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
