I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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